i fuckin love my friends.

i think it’s time to move on..cus it seems like you’ve progressed..while i regressed

the current quote running through my mind:

” School is like your playground, and afterwards is when you face the real world.”

This quote couldn’t be any more truer. No wonder college is so fun, specifically UCI. Everywhere you go, you run into a friend, classmate, acquaintance, ex, old crush and sometimes all of the above in one day. It’s like a community where the world seems smaller than you ever thought it was. Sometimes I dislike the fact, however. The fact that I have to try to make small conversation, the fact that when I see someone I used to know and am not sure if I should say hi or not, the fact that I don’t care to dress up everyday so I look my shittiest and everyone sees. Last but not least, how could i forget the fact that I exude awkwardness. 

I often have this problem of always being able to end, start or make a conversation awkward..and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I overthink things, I don’t know what to say, or just simply trying too hard to make conversation.

Referring back to my previous quote, however, I should hold true to it since I believe it in so strongly. If school is just my playground..then I should just relax, have fun and be care-free. Thinking back to the old days of elementary school and recess. I never over analyze a situation, I just did, said and thought whatever was on my mind. Those were the good ol days, when awkwardness was nonexistent. So again, maybe that’s how I should start approaching my college life as well.

Just be my playful, fun-loving, carefree self and not give a damn about what anyone thinks. Not try so hard to make small conversation but be naturally curious in wanting to get to know someone. Make plans and put myself in “uncomfortable” positions because in the end it is I who foresee it to be uncomfortable. And if it does end up being awkward, then oh well! it’s only awkward when I believe it to be awkward.

Cause like I said so myself, ” Life moves by awfully fast,” too fast to waste its precious time on pondering on unnecessary things, on pleasing others, and on being someone who I am not.

kk now back to studying 

:]

I don’t exactly know why I continue to find myself relying on the same person over and over again. I always speak of myself of being independent, moving on, and moving on to a bigger, better life. Why is it that it is so difficult for me to achieve this?

btw how is it possible to be talking 24/7..

So this past weekend was certainly interesting. I think I may have gone too hard though..hopefully it finally gets through my thick stubborn head that I shouldn’t do the things i do and burden those around me (and surprisingly my dabs still put up with me -_- but thats why i love them). But hey at least I’m finally admitting it. I think I’ve been in denial this whole time. It’s okay though, it’s a new quarter so I’m gonna start with a clean slate :]. My goals for the quarter:

1. Get a job as a pharmacy technician- hopefully at a hospital

2. No more going overboard

3. Be able to socialize without any liquid courage. haha

4. Reconnect with old friends

5. deans list-i think yes

6. letters of rec

7. do something about my voice..voice therapy?

8. be kind and karma will do its job as displayed at vegas. there really are some great people in the world.

9. miss independent ;]

10. do great on my interview,

11. stop being a lazy beez

Alright thats all for tonight. peacee!

http://soundcloud.com/edmtunestv/dash-berlin-live-a-state-of-trance-550-moscow-russia-07-03-2012?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=widgetshare&utm_medium=facebook&utm_content=http%3A%2F%2Fsoundcloud.com%2Fedmtunestv%2Fdash-berlin-live-a-state-of-trance-550-moscow-russia-07-03-2012

music that keeps me going…I believe I can do this.

“So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.” -  Christopher Reeve

i’ve realized i need to be more efficient with my time..I take wayyyy too long to do one thing. fuhh why do i have this problem

VICKY P! whats up homie? lol hey i wanted to let you know that im leaving in a month to Texas. Im actually moving and this little town of folsom will no longer be my home! but i wanted to take the time and say goodbye to everyone that i most likely wont get to see anytime soon. You are a great person and i mean that. There are people in the world that are genuinely good down to their core and i believe that you are. you are always so energetic and outgoing and funny and you really know how to make people feel appreciated. So i want to thank you for being the person you are. The world deserves more people like you. Take care of yourself and good luck in everything that you do.
-Jared

I have never felt more appreciated :’]. thanks jared. hope you do great things in texas. you will be missed <3

Recently I’ve been believing that everything that I have no power over really does happen for a reason. So maybe this is God’s way of telling me that I was definitely heading my life in the wrong direction. Maybe this is a sign that I need to get my life back on track and start prioritizing. Yea..it just kinda sucks tho.. but in the end..i think its a lesson learned..a revealing of what is true..and a realization that I just needa say fuck it. we’re all still young ;]